“New Year, New Me”. The start of a new year usually brings sayings such as this- especially as we eagerly await 2021 to begin. This unassuming quote brings significant pressure to change who we are overnight. We envision that at the stroke of midnight, all our habits that we endeavor to change - will change. We’ll take up that streaming yoga class, start a juice cleanse, or give up sugar. Not only do internal forces drive that desire, but external pressures are abundant via social media, news articles, and influencers touting all the things one should do on January 1st.
The New Year brings the same change concept as turning the page on a week. We have all said “I’ll start X on Monday”. While this mentality is rooted in black and white way of thinking; true sustainable change lies in the grey. The American Psychological Association refers to this as dichotomous thinking as “the tendency to think in terms of polar opposites—that is, in terms of the best and the worst—without accepting the possibilities that lie between these two extremes.” (https://dictionary.apa.org/dichotomous-thinking). If we took this concretely, we might perceive that 2020 is the worst and 2021 will be the best, or Sunday is the time to let loose and Monday is the time to be strict. These extremes make long term changes difficult to achieve and dissuade us from finding a middle ground.
Certain words can alert you when your thoughts become polarized:
Always
Never
Impossible
Ruined
Perfect
Failure
Success
All-or-nothing thinking can become problematic, especially for those suffering from eating disorders, Most often this type of thought process reinforces extreme rules that are so unsustainable that they inevitably must be broken. This then leads to creating more unrealistic goals and thus the cycle continues.
The New Year creates an atmosphere for immediate dramatic hopeful change usually resulting in extreme fatigue and hopelessness by the end of January. “Polarized thinking is considered a cognitive distortion because it doesn’t allow us to see the world as it often is: complex, nuanced, and full of all the shades in between” (https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/black-and-white-thinking).
How we enact sustainable change is a complicated topic and way more complex to execute, hence the strong desire to establish a launch point. However, it does not occur overnight, even with the best intentions and motivation. Many habits and behaviors are hard to change and
take time, patience, and flexibility to implement. Some will need professional support and treatment. Rigidity and extremes are counterintuitive to sustainable changes. Seeing the world (and yourself) as much more complex than dichotomous invites a more open thought process. Cultivating compassion and flexibility allows for more insight, growth and development instead of rushing to achieve the goal. There is no start or end date, change is a wave that ebbs and flows with your lifestyle, environment, and emotions.
It has been a difficult year for many. As we begin 2021, let’s take a moment to reflect on all the personal mountains we have climbed. Perhaps many we never have fathomed we would need to. Most of us have learned the practice of slowing down and of patience. We have already seen lessons supporting the concepts of acceptance. Change and progress are not linear and it's okay to take a step back to take another forward. In eating disorder recovery, we focus on making changes that feel workable and sustainable without rigidity.
We are wishing all our readers a Happy Holiday and New Year.
This year, perhaps our anthem can be-New Year...same me...ever growing...ever learning...